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Dec. 31st, 2020 12:37 pm Piece by piece, everything that was Ben Hargreeves breaks away from him.
He’s been waiting for years, stalling so he doesn’t have to go into the light. He’s been so afraid in a way that he would never say to Klaus, even if he feels guilty now that he let Klaus think, for so long, that his delay had been at his hands. That fear is breaking off him now, too, floating away like the other pieces of himself.
Vanya’s safe, she’s not alone. Klaus won’t be alone either, he tells himself. He’ll have the other siblings and they’ll have prevented the end of the world. That’s what matters. That’s all Ben can do, but it’s all he wants. He wants his family safe, and this is how he does it -- confronting his fears, giving in to the solace and the peace, and walking towards the light.
He can do it.
He can, he can --
With a deep breath, Ben gives himself over to the sensation washing over him. Only, then he takes another breath, then another. The pieces aren’t coming off him anymore and when he opens his eyes, Vanya’s not there, and he is. Wait. He is? Ben pats his hands over his chest, down to his hips, and feels the same dark clothes he’s been wearing for sixteen years, and every single piece of him is here, not broken off. Not only that, but he’s cold. The bitter wind and icy chill bites at his skin in a way he hasn’t felt in...well, he doesn’t know how long, he only knows that it’s been so long that he’d forgotten what it feels like.
Now that it’s back, it’s not grief or pain or anger he feels.
It’s joy.
If he can feel the cold again, what else can he feel? Is this what heaven is like? Ben’s finally getting to live and experience all the things that he hasn’t? His elation is muted, though, when he stares down at himself, grateful for the thick hoodie and jacket, but, “Seriously? I finally walk into the light and I don’t even get a clothing upgrade?” he wonders, spinning around to find a guide or an angel or … something to help him figure this place out.
“You’d think heaven would have a welcoming party,” he quips, glancing towards Klaus to register whether the joke landed and thinking, oh, right.
Klaus isn’t there anymore. He’s not going to be.
Steadying himself, Ben forces himself past that lonely thought and thinks to himself, but they’ll be okay, they have each other, they don’t need you now. They’re going to be okay.
He’s been waiting for years, stalling so he doesn’t have to go into the light. He’s been so afraid in a way that he would never say to Klaus, even if he feels guilty now that he let Klaus think, for so long, that his delay had been at his hands. That fear is breaking off him now, too, floating away like the other pieces of himself.
Vanya’s safe, she’s not alone. Klaus won’t be alone either, he tells himself. He’ll have the other siblings and they’ll have prevented the end of the world. That’s what matters. That’s all Ben can do, but it’s all he wants. He wants his family safe, and this is how he does it -- confronting his fears, giving in to the solace and the peace, and walking towards the light.
He can do it.
He can, he can --
With a deep breath, Ben gives himself over to the sensation washing over him. Only, then he takes another breath, then another. The pieces aren’t coming off him anymore and when he opens his eyes, Vanya’s not there, and he is. Wait. He is? Ben pats his hands over his chest, down to his hips, and feels the same dark clothes he’s been wearing for sixteen years, and every single piece of him is here, not broken off. Not only that, but he’s cold. The bitter wind and icy chill bites at his skin in a way he hasn’t felt in...well, he doesn’t know how long, he only knows that it’s been so long that he’d forgotten what it feels like.
Now that it’s back, it’s not grief or pain or anger he feels.
It’s joy.
If he can feel the cold again, what else can he feel? Is this what heaven is like? Ben’s finally getting to live and experience all the things that he hasn’t? His elation is muted, though, when he stares down at himself, grateful for the thick hoodie and jacket, but, “Seriously? I finally walk into the light and I don’t even get a clothing upgrade?” he wonders, spinning around to find a guide or an angel or … something to help him figure this place out.
“You’d think heaven would have a welcoming party,” he quips, glancing towards Klaus to register whether the joke landed and thinking, oh, right.
Klaus isn’t there anymore. He’s not going to be.
Steadying himself, Ben forces himself past that lonely thought and thinks to himself, but they’ll be okay, they have each other, they don’t need you now. They’re going to be okay.
